


The Door

by whenmysoulsings



Series: Cullen and Ihrá [13]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Ihrá & Solas, Love Hurts, breaking up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-29
Updated: 2019-11-29
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:33:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21607612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whenmysoulsings/pseuds/whenmysoulsings
Summary: A day passed and his feeling of being detached from everything around him lingered. He ought to feel relieved, but no, it was quite the contrary. He felt wrested and lost. Solas couldn’t sleep, not distract himself. Whenever he closed his eyes for a moment, he saw her again, the way the light in her eyes ceased, the trembling in her voice and how she fell into pieces. he had left her there, alone in her in her brokenness … and he couldn’t do anything … no, he deserved all this, each one second of grief and guilt.
Relationships: Female Inquisitor & Solas, Female Lavellan/Solas, Lavellan & Solas
Series: Cullen and Ihrá [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/385096
Kudos: 5





	The Door

A day passed and his feeling of being detached from everything around him lingered. He ought to feel relieved, but no, it was quite the contrary. He felt wrested and lost. Solas couldn’t sleep, not distract himself. Whenever he closed his eyes for a moment, he saw her again, the way the light in her eyes ceased, the trembling in her voice and how she fell into pieces. he had left her there, alone in her in her brokenness … and he couldn’t do anything … no, he deserved all this, each one second of grief and guilt.

He had not seen her since.  
He had avoided her.  
And now he was standing in front of her room and he could taste the bitterness of the memories tied to this door. They used to be delightful and sweet and he made them bitter for both of them.  
He wouldn’t be here if Harding hadn’t intercepted him and said Ihrá wanted to see him immediately. He had no idea what was waiting for him behind that door. No matter what, he wouldn’t change his mind. Even if he wanted it, and how much he wanted it, he couldn’t let himself go. He couldn’t allow himself to give in again; it would only make it more difficult over time.

It had been indescribably difficult for him already, every fiber of his body refused to obey, he wanted to delay it even further and indulge in the illusion that he could simply love her. He was sick of being alone but the path he had chosen claimed it’s sacrifice. He was Solas and nothing could change this and the things he had to do.  
Not even the purest, unique soul that he ever met in a long time. He shook his head as he realized how tears rose in him. No, he had to shake it off. He couldn’t make it any harder for her. If he falters, if he gave her just a glimpse of his true feelings for her, there would be not way of turning back. It was his responsibility. He had to fix it, no matter what…

Solas took a deep breath and knocked ad this wooden door, and waited a moment before he entered. Ihrá was standing near her window and she turned around as he closed the door.

“Harding said you want to see me.”  
“Yes.”

Solas thought seeing her could break him.  
But hearing her voice, the silvery tone of it, once sighing his name in desire and now severe and controlled, teared him down without warning. Solas felt his knees soften and he clenched his hands to fists until it hurt, to gain back control of his emotions.

It took all the power of Mira to persevere. Solas presence filled every corner of the room, and even though he was standing far away from her, she felt overwhelmed it. She endured the want to ran to him, scream at him, shout out all her pain and finally lean against his chest to find relieve...but there was no relieve she could hope for.

Whenever she tried to remember how she had come back to her room, if and what she had said to the people she had probably met, then everything was blurry. The moment she had closed the door behind her, her body had sank powerless to the floor, waiting for the darkness of the night, waiting for him, waiting for the sound of him opening the door and finding herself safe in his embrace. But all she got was darkness and silence. Tears had filled her eyes and she gave herself into the wave of pain and loss.

Her first impulse was to grab her things and just run, far away, until the pain she felt inside would nullify the numbness of her body; a paradox that threatened her to rip. But in the morning the sun rose, a new day dawned, unimpressed by the fact that Ihrá’s world had gotten out of joint. And as unimpressed as a new day followed the past, she knew that no matter what she had to move on. The mark in her hand was like a contract with faith; she couldn't ran away from it.  
She had a responsibility, commitments and even if she didn’t felt like saving the world, she was still reasonable enough to hope fighting for something could distract her. This wasn’t the first heart broken, though it felt like the worst cut she ever got.

Seeing him was hard. Seeing him and not begging him to stay, to take her back and love her, nearly killed her...but weakness...no, she couldn't afford weakness.

“I've decided that you will leave us.”  
Her voice was controlled and serious, intent to leave no second-guesses.

“I understand.”  
His thoughts were racing as he nodded with furrowed brows. Not only did he hurt the one person since ages, who nearly made him willingly forget his purpose, he also managed to summon the worst out of it. Solas opened his mouth to say one last thing to her:

“Before I leave, I want you to know how sor...”

“Don’t, Solas! Stop!”

She shook her head and for a tiny second Solas saw her chin trembling. Instinctively he made a step forward but he froze as she raised her hand and her gaze met his. The fragility in her eyes hit him and he stepped back in shame and guilt. Ihrá straightened her shoulders and whatever frailty he had seen in her eyes, wasn't reflected in her voice as she said

“Just talk to Harding. She’ll give you men, supplies and documents to hand them over in Haven.”

“Haven?”  
His voice was hoarse in surprise.

“Of course, Haven. You’re knowledge and abilities are invaluable for our mission. We can’t afford to loose you.  
For my own sake, I’ll send you back to Haven.  
Please, spare me more explanations…I…”

“No, it’s okay…Vhe…I…”

They watched each other, both fragile and both at the edge of any bearable emotion. The truth was laying behind the volition in their eyes, devotion, affection…now overshadowed by sorrow and hurt.

Hold her….You can’t leave her like this…You deserve her  
The voices in Solas head were soothing...it would be easy to give in...

“You’ll leave tomorrow morning!”

Ihrá's voice cut the silence.

Solas just nodded.

It was over, he got what he wanted at all costs. He left the room, and she closed the door behind him. He heard the key turn. He wanted to move but he was paralyzed. He never told her, that by turning the key nobody but him could hear any noise from within the room. It was his own magic and it didn’t work on him.

Solas heard her sliding down the door. He could hear her starting to cry, suffocating her sobs and he almost could feel the trembling of her body, as his palms lay flat on the door. He didn’t had to close his eyes to imagine her, the tears falling down and her solitude. This would hunt him until his last day.

\---

The majority of their troops were still asleep when Solas left the mansion to meet Harding at the gates. She was already waiting, a handful of soldiers packing their horses and getting ready to leave. Harding told him that Ihrá wanted them to leave early without making too much fuss. They spread the information that Solas had discovered new facts about elvhen artifacts and he had to get back to Haven early to review them with his own notes.

He had watched the people and overheard conversations, but nobody had doubts about how they justified his departure. He did not know if he should highly appreciate Ihrá for not making him a scene in public, or whether he would deny her the opportunity to confide in someone. Or maybe she had someone to talk to? Varric seemed to be more attentive last times. Solas had no time to over think it, he just had to wait and see.

"Have a safe journey."

Harding handed him over a bag with documents as Solas sat on his horse. She gave last instructions to the soldiers and before dawn they started to move. They were passing the gates as Solas looked back to the mansion to find Ihrá's window. It was covered in darkness and Solas hoped that she had finally find some rest in sleep and - though it was difficult for him to truly admit it - that she could find peace without him around; maybe she could forgive him one day. The mansion was getting smaller and smaller and they headed into the forest when Solas turned around for the last time and sighed.

\---

Ihrá watched them for a while. She had sneaked out before Solas departure and hid among the trees near the entrance to the forest.

The wind dried the tears on her cheeks. She had decided to say goodbye to Solas personally, to present herself strong and unimpressed. But halfway down she decided against it. It was too early for here to face him again and she did not want to expose herself in front of him or even the others. His silhouette got lost in the shadows of the forest and the sun slowly rose, a relentless reminder that the world kept turning, even though her own world had fallen apart.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a shorter one.  
> I decided to write the break-up-chapter and continue writing the Cullen x Ihrá chapters. This series was intended to be about these two lovebirds, though I lingered with Solas for some time and it gave me the chance for a proper answer to Solas sudden break up in the game. I was really mad that I couldn't say the things I wanted to say in the game.
> 
> But I also thought about the 'power of community'. So to you all, my lovely and rare readers:  
> There are two weeks to fill with love, smut and fluff, in which Solas and Ihrá have their hidden romance. So if you have ideas, wishes and recommendations how they spend those days, please let me know. I would love to write them all down.


End file.
